Kim Collins, Flutist - Teaching Artist
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Flute Studio Blog

Thoughts, information, and inspiration about playing and learning for students and parents.  

Suggestions and requests for topics are welcomed.​

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Unsure of Your Musical Future?  You are NOT Alone.

9/11/2021

2 Comments

 
Once upon a time, I said yes to anything that came my way.  My packed calendar gave me a sense of importance.  But eventually the attraction of being booked to the gills faded for me.  I was tired of traveling.  Tired of staying in hotels and with host families for days at a time.  It was an epic endeavor to be sure the kids were taken care of while I was gone.  And I missed my family.


I was burnt.


For the past decade, I honed my sights on family and sanity and began a new phase in my life.  My desire was to consolidate my efforts and to eventually stop living the itinerant life.  I slowly shaved off my performing priorities until I had them down to just the ones that meant the most to me.  I reduced my student load to a manageable number.  I began to look ahead to how I'd want my life to look in the next decade or two and to work toward that.


I eventually entered a position on staff at the Springfield Symphony.  I loved being organized, working with great people, and using my brain in a new and different way.  I knew fairly quickly that the role of orchestra librarian was not a job that would “grow” with me and that one day I would move on but I was content where I was for the time being, and not ready to make any changes just yet.  I felt like I was well on track for the Next Phase of My Life.


Then Covid happened.  Furlough happened.  Then much-too-long-furlough happened.  No performing in sight happened.  (Mid life was already happening.)  


So much for the music.  So much for my carefully laid plans.  Major priority shift.  


I had all the feels:  missing music, missing my colleagues.  But also re-assessing my desires.  Did I want to keep up with this, something so fragile that it disappears except for when the world is at its most robust?  It seemed so daunting to keep reinventing myself for a new world; to find new ways to make a living in the musical realm. 
I had been revamping myself musically over and over again my entire life.  I wasn’t “hungry” for a career anymore like I was when I was in my twenties.   


I considered letting music go completely.  I knew I would "bow out" someday in the future, and had been mentally preparing for that (eventual) reality, but I wanted to go out on my own terms.  I did not want it stripped away from me before I said it was time.  I was filled with questions regarding what level I needed to play at to continue to be fulfilled, and whether playing anywhere just for the sake of playing would be good enough.


After accepting the first gig that came my way during the pandemic, I discovered definitively that I didn’t “just love” music so much that I didn't care 
how or where I played it.  I didn't want to play just anywhere; I yearned for the thrill of a great collaboration.  So at least I had an idea how I would carve my future endeavors if I could.


I began looking with earnest for another way to make a living.  I can’t even count the number of jobs to which I applied.   I started out being picky, and soon learned that this was not going to be an easy task.  It seemed that everyone else was also looking for work.  After countless applications, I received a handful of interviews.  I was a finalist for a few, but the sticking point was that my experience was “outside the industry.”  I applied for everything I could think of, but sometimes there were literally hundreds of applicants for one small job.  It seemed so hopeless that I could have lost my career as a musician due to Covid and be rejected so soundly by other industries just because I was a musician.  It seemed like my life's work and my ability to serve my family's needs were emphatically squashed and rejected as irrelevant.


I just needed someone to look outside the box, outside the words on my resume, and to give me a chance.


A chance finally came my way when I was hired as Director of Member Services for the CT River Valley Chamber of Commerce.  My ability to connect with people as an artist and educator translates easily to this role, and all the administrative skill I have is quite useful.  I am working seven (SEVEN!!) minutes from my house.  I am meeting a tremendous amount of incredible new people.  I have some license for creativity in my job (see video below).  My schedule is, well, kind of normal. 


I had always been intensely prideful of my abilities to make a living solely from musical endeavors, and had always viewed needing a “day job” as a personal sort of cop-out, but I see now how wrong I was.  Why was keeping my former crazy-nuts schedule appealing to me?  Maybe the lesson I needed to learn was that being frantic for the sake of saying I am a musician and nothing else is no longer of value to me, nor is it a necessary part of my identity.


Does it mean I have copped out?  I’m washed out?  Done?  Not a real musician anymore?  Hell no.


It means I am adapting.  Surviving.  Thriving.  Making lemonade out of lemons.  Honing my skills.  Bringing new skills to the table. 
Creating a new possibility for my future.  Swinging that door to the world wide open.  Going for it.  


I know so many long-time musicians have entered a similar season in their careers, and know that I am not alone.  I am embracing change, while keeping true to who I am inside.  I endeavor to keep music in my life in a way that produces joy, but vow not to be afraid to keep it in a new and different way.  Having it taken away from me for a long period of time taught me that music is a part of me, but does not define everything about me.  I understand that my skillset is expansive; too expansive to pigeon-hole into a the small world of music.  I have much to offer.  It’s ok now to offer myself out to other parts of the world.  This experience will not limit me; it will only bring more perspective to my artistry.  I’ve got this.


If you are struggling with this new season in your artistic life, you’ve got this too.  If you've gotten yourself a "day job" for the first time in your life, good for you!  You are being innovative and supporting your continued musical endeavors.  You are NOT giving up.  Sending you my love and support.  Always.


Just a sampler of what I do in my "other" role.  My creative side still gets to shine on!
2 Comments

NFA 2018 Notes:  Trevor Wye on Moyse's "50 Variations on the Allemande of Bach's Sonata for Flute Alone"

8/12/2018

1 Comment

 
Trevor Wye's NFA presentation on Marcel Moyse's "50 Variations on the Bach Allemande" was as to be expected from Mr. Wye:  amusing, informative, and full of fun anecdotes, quips, and jokes.  The subtitle of this work indicates the book is "for the study of articulation, embellishment, trills, groppetti, and grace notes."   For this class, he had two of his students take turns performing (and subsequently being coached on) the variations.  Trevor Wye also played examples on both flute and piano as needed.

Trevor repeated throughout the class that these exercises are "about the slur."  In his words, "a slur is always a diminuendo except...sometimes."  He urged players to take these variations very literally; to play them without extra added emotion, nuance and romantic interpretation.  The benefit here is from the rigors of doing exactly what the music asks for and nothing more.  His suggestion was to begin with exercise number two.  I have notated talking points for all of the variations that he spent time on.  There were some that were skipped during class.


In a nutshell, these exercises are all "curiously unmusical" but we apply these as dedicated exercises so that we can use the skills needed when they come up (usually in brief moments) in our repertoire.  The following are some of my notes taken during the class:

#2:  Never shorten the last note of a slur (in these exercises, not necessarily in context).  Slurs should be played with great pains taken to clearly diminuendo, de-empasizing the second note of each slur, without shortening the second note.  It is truly an exercise in control and patience but pays off in dividends for moments that this skill is needed in the repertoire.

#1:  "It doesn't feel musical to do the slurs this way, but it's just an exercise."  Do it.

#3:  Careful not to shorten the final note of the slur.

#5-8:  More of the same:  care must be taken to literally diminuendo on the slurs.

#9:  Light articulation.  It's about rhythmic "style," not literal rhythm.  Alter this rhythm slightly by over-exaggerating the closeness of each 32nd to each 16th.

How much of each of these exercises should we play?  Trevor's answer was that basically about 7-8 lines of study in each will establish the "feeling of what it's about."


#11:  "Think of the dots as espressivo."  Play the dotted notes expressively, and separated from the rest but not very short.

#13:  Basically, pretty darn difficult to truly give accent to the lower note but try your best to get it done.

#14/15:  (For musicality), "fast notes  (the 32nds) should go a little faster."

#16:  The little note is crushed as close as possible to the next note.  Really work at that.

#22/25:  These are "not so important;" there are "better double and triple tonguing studies for that."

About tonguing forward:  "The tongue should be closer to where the voice of the FLUTE is [ie, forward] to be clear...what sounds clear when speaking does so because it's closer to the [speaking] voice."  He made reference here to how clear actual speech can sound when using the tongue further back due to the tongue's proximity to the source of our actual speech, the voice box, yet the source of our flute sound is where the air from the aperture meets the flute, so we must tongue closer to the source of the sound.  Comparisons were also made to the innate suitability to great articulation that certain languages, such as French, provide the player.

#32:  Some of these are "not so worth it."

#33:  Really go for the correct amount of "trills."

#36:  "There are better double tonguing studies in other books."

Re:  actually performing the Allemande:  "Messing around with it, you can do too much.  Better to let the music speak for itself."

#42:  Practice a great single tongue here, not triple.

#43-46:  "I don't think it's worth practicing."

#48:  "Very valuable!"

#49:  "Waste of time."

Here, at this point, Trevor had both of the performers play all the way through the rhythmic tour-de-force of Number 50.  After which he quipped:  "Moyse said:  'never play this in public', " which elicited a lot of laughing in the audience.

In summary, the exercises are useful ways to focus very specifically on certain aspects of one's playing, most notably slurs, style, and articulation.





1 Comment

Ten Benefits from Posting an Etude per Week

5/18/2018

6 Comments

 
This past November, I took a bit of a personal leap and made myself not only join but actually post in the Facebook group Etude of the Week.  In this group, each week an etude is assigned to prepare and post and members of the group can make comments on one another's offerings.

My perfectionism was so deep that I never publicly shared video of any of my performances.  Of course, this lack of "sharing" is ironic considering that my performances are public and are shared live with countless people anyway.  For me, the difference between live and video was that with video, there is a way to be able to rewind and review every flaw.  And believe me, I could always find a flaw that I didn't want anyone to "rewind and review."

I made myself participate mostly to get over myself.  

I joined this group to put myself out of my comfort zone.  Not only was I going to post an etude each week, but I was going to prepare this etude solely as a side effort to the practicing that I already had to do.  I wanted to become comfortable not only with sharing on social media, but to up the ante by sharing under that particular "less practiced" scenario.

Pressing post that first day was really hard for me.


Eighteen Berbiguier Etudes and nineteen Köhler Romantic Etudes (37 posts!) later, the benefits have been more than expected.  Here are some of my discoveries:

1.  I have desensitized myself to sharing performance video online.  I can't say a little voice in my head doesn't still notice every little flaw.  It still does.  I try to ignore that little voice.  Because on the flip side, I've received much positive support and feedback.  

2.  I have become a bit more forgiving of the flaws that I hear in my performances.  I've realized more than ever that that what I perceive as glaringly obvious flaws are received very differently by other listeners.  Even by other flutists.  There are times when the exact part of my playing that I felt was lacking is what I have received positive feedback for.  It doesn't mean I won't stop trying to improve, but it is evidence that people are listening for more than small hitches here and there.  They are listening for music.


3.  I have made more video footage of myself performing than I ever have before.  I have used audio as a learning tool in the past but saved video for performances only.  The benefits of this endeavor  have been countless.

4.  I have fast-tracked my playing improvement.  It is a highly educational experience to both see and hear myself perform on a weekly basis.  I have already made changes to my playing just from watching myself and seeing something that I need to fix.  I also have some good ideas as to how to continue to work on my physical approach to playing and my body awareness going forward into the future.  Watching myself play has renewed my interest in Body Mapping and self-awareness.  Instead of being irritated by what I see or feel, I am now doing something about it because I saw it or felt it.

5.  I am honoring my own voice more.  I started out my etude-posting journey a bit stilted, much more so than I am in live performance.  As the weeks went by, I kept asking myself what I wanted to say, and trying to honor what I thought was important.  I kept the "I" in my interpretation.  

There are times when I lack the practice time I desire to bring a technical etude to the full extent of my capability.  In those times I bring my focus toward the music and what I want to say instead.  And I still post it.  I am really enjoying this aspect of interpreting a new work each week.   

6.  I didn't think I'd be able to find time to add something "just for me" into my practice time, but I do!  Time constraints, family obligations, motherhood, and mostly repertoire for my paid performances have made me set etudes aside more often than not.  Keeping myself accountable to play a new study each week has been an amazing addition to my practice, and has turned out to be a welcome distraction from orchestral music.  There are weeks now when I'd really rather plow through my etude book than play the music I need to learn for a concert.  It's FUN.  It's been a great change of pace.

7.  I've improved my focus.  I have arrived to the point where I can play several takes in a row that would all be "acceptable" to post (in their own "perfectly imperfect" kind of way of course.)  In fact, I don't know why I even do the extra takes most of the time anymore.  Clicking record no longer sends me into a tailspin of false starts.  I love this change in my focus when I click the record button on the camera.


8.  I have had the opportunity to hear some lovely approaches to playing.  I've gotten new ideas.  I've been inspired.  I have had "aha" moments where I realized a phrase that troubled me had another solution.  I realize that if all of the flutists in this forum didn't share (just as I had not been sharing for so long) I would not have the opportunity to hear so many wonderful flutists.  I am grateful for this opportunity to learn, share, and to be pushed to give more of myself each time.

9.  I have "met" a wonderful community of supportive flutists from all walks of life and from all over the world.  I am really excited to meet many of them in person for the first time at the NFA Convention.  I feel, in a way, that I have re-connected with a broader slice of the flute community.

10.  I have great satisfaction that I gave myself a challenge and I followed through.  I will kid you not:  posting in this group was really hard for me.  My need to wait until I am perfect continues to be something I am working on.  However, I have noticed that, as time goes by, I am improving my offerings despite time restrictions and lack of sufficient preparation time.  That can only mean I'm becoming more efficient at cutting to the chase with these studies.

Sticking with it has certainly been an amazing part of my satisfaction.  There are weeks in which my mantra is "Just show up."  That's it.  Make a showing.  My mind, of course, screams "D
on't put anything out there that stinks!  There is so much more you can do with this one! ​and I wrestle with it still.  But I keep showing up, and I keep following through.  I can't wait to see what comes next in my journey.

Special thanks to Katy Wherry for creating such a wonderful, supportive forum for flutists around the globe!  


6 Comments

Our Comfort Zone: the Ins and Outs

2/9/2018

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There is a "place" inside of our minds and emotions, a place where things feel good, safe, and "status quo."  This is our comfort zone.  It is a wonderful place to be.  It is the place where most of us love to stay as long as possible.  It's familiar territory in there.  Safe.  Predictable.  Full of "same-ness."  No real surprises.  Conversely, nearly everything else is what's outside our comfort zone.  Outside the comfort zone is full of the unknown, the uncomfortable, and even that which we fear most, whatever that is.  But it's also where the magic of progress takes place.
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The thing we need to know about the comfort zone is that it is a place of little personal growth.  Most progress, learning and improvement, change, and success take place outside of our comfort zones.  This place outside of our comfort is the place where we expand our horizons, try something new, take a risk, and effect personal change.  For this reason, it's critical to understand that when we want change or improvement, it will involve stepping outside of the warm blanket of our comfortable place into a place of discomfort, risk, and maybe even fear.  
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It's also important to realize that everyone's comfort zone is different.  What might be totally normal and safe-feeling for you might be someone else's worst fear.  And what might really make someone else feel happy and regulated might be a huge scary leap for you.  It's personal, and only you can own your own recipe of comfort vs. discomfort. Below are two (fictional) examples that I made up that illustrate just how different two people can be:
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How do you know what is out of your comfort zone?  Pretty much anything you want to avoid doing is out there.  If it was easy and fun or mind-numbing enough we'd be doing it, not avoiding it.  We avoid doing things because they are simply unpleasant or because they involve change, risk, failure, exposure, or awkwardness.  So if you don't want to do it (for whatever reason) you can bet it's probably not in your circle of comfort.  Of course, opening the case and practicing instead of doing something else involves a lot less risk than making a huge personal change or performing in a public competition, but for some people that may be the first step they need to take.  Once again, it's very personal!

What's great about comfort zones is they expand and grow.  The recipe is simple:  pick something that you either avoid or that is uncomfortable.  Then do it (or try to do it!) a little each day, or week, or minute.  Whatever works for you.  Step away from what's nice/comfy/easy, and be a little awkward/scared/uncertain for a certain amount of time.  Then step back.  That's all it takes.  Repeat this often with a small step you want to take.  After enough minutes have been logged in which you have stepped out (and survived), you start to get more desensitized to whatever feeling makes you avoid it.  It becomes more "normal."  This is when you know that your circle of comfort has grown.

Your comfort zone will expand and expand as you try more and challenge yourself more.  What you were once terrified of will become something you can do daily.  A goal you thought you could not achieve will become a reality, or at least become much more reachable.  Because it yields great results and personal growth, enduring discomfort for a short while actually becomes addictive.  It's not the discomfort or risk that is so addictive; it's the incredible sense of accomplishment and self-satisfaction that comes with pushing boundaries that becomes so wonderful we crave more.  We become more willing to sacrifice our comfort because we know a reward will come afterward, whether the reward is simply satisfaction and pride or a prize or achievement.

I make it a habit of stepping outside my comfort zone pretty often.  However, 
I decided recently that I ask my students to go beyond their comfort zones, so I should take an even bigger leap than usual.  Although I perform on stage very regularly, and have been part of many professionally produced recordings, I have always been reluctant to record myself casually and share these recordings with anyone, especially not on social media.  I was too perfectionistic.  I could always find a flaw in each performance.  Nothing ever made the cut.  To me, a live performance "disappeared" from the audience's ears once played, but a recording could be relived over and over.  I felt great discomfort with displaying any imperfection in a public and "re-playable" way.  

I joined the Facebook group Etude of the Week, in which flutists are invited to share their rendition of an assigned etude with other members of the group.  I made myself record every etude assigned and post each one, no matter how much time I had, and no matter how imperfect they were.  The first several times were really difficult for me, but the group was incredibly supportive.  Several months into my weekly postings, I can say I have been completely and thoroughly desensitized to sharing video on social media.  I have also found a new voice and a way of sharing my gift, have learned a lot about my playing, and made many improvements.  This is definitely a topic for another post!

​So please, consider making yourself do something you avoid.  Step outside that comfort zone whenever you can.  You can always step back if you've gone too far.  Just try again later.  The key is to know what you don't want to do, and take that first step.  

Have fun trying, and feel free to ask questions in the comment section below.  I'm always happy to help!
Each video I shared on Etude of the Week, I also shared on my Facebook page.  Above is my most recent post.  See?  I'm sharing it with you even though I made it in my kitchen (and it's perfectly imperfect)!  Enjoy!
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