Category: For Parents

My Attitude of Gratitude

11/30/2017

This past Thanksgiving, I put some energy into how thankful I am for music and the opportunity to both create it and to teach it to others. I wrote a post on my Facebook Page and I would like to share it here as well:

As a freelance artist, I rely on the trust of others in my work, whether it is for regularly scheduled orchestra work, a one-time show, a last-minute call to play something crazy hard, or many weeks in the pit somewhere. I am thankful for each and every opportunity, for the friendships I have developed with players in a great many places, and that all of these opportunities have given me inspiration to continue to grow. Thank you to all my colleagues who inspire me with your talent and passion, and for the support you have given me to strive for my own brand of excellence.

And to my students: you help make me who I am. Teaching you reminds me daily of what it takes to be thorough, to overcome obstacles, to quest for excellence and to do the (often challenging) things needed to succeed. I enjoy seeing each one of you every week, and watching you grow and expand your personal boundaries. I learn so much with you and from you and and it is a joy to have you in my studio.
I am truly grateful for all the opportunities I have had and the continued trust I receive from so many to keep doing what I do.

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What Do I Call My Teacher?

11/13/2017

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IMPORTANT NOTE: If you want to read this post using your best old curmudgeon voice, please go ahead and do so. I can take it.

I've noticed something in the last decade or two.

I cannot tell you how many texts and emails I get from students that start with either nothing or with the word "Hey." I think sometimes students don't know what to call their teacher.

I've even had students come to me from another teacher who couldn't remember the name of their previous teacher! I can't imagine how my students would feel if I didn't know any of their names. Knowing someone's name and using it strengthens our personal connection. It also is a sign of respect.

So, what do I call my teacher?

Go by the most formal title you can think of for that person. Mr., Ms., or Mrs. are good places to start. If your teacher doesn't like that formality, he or she will let you know. In college, Doctor or Professor are important titles to use where appropriate although some faculty go by Mr. or Mrs. (ask around, look them up, find it out). Always defer to the most formal title that fits unless told otherwise.

Another way to figure this out is to just...ask!

It's easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy. Just be sure to call your teacher something by way of greeting, especially when texting or emailing. It's the polite thing to do!

PS. What do I wish to be called? It's morphed over the years. When I was young, I wanted to be called by my first name. Now that I'm older and have kids, I prefer to go by Mrs. Collins with my school-aged students. Parents and adult students, please call me Kim. There you have it. Now you know.

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Effective Lesson-Parenting Tips

5/11/2017

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I meet a parent for the first time at the very first lesson. If the student is younger, I may see the parent at the door for hellos and goodbyes at future lessons. If the student is older, I may not see the parent again until recital time because the student is simply dropped off and picked up or drives him or herself. Of course, there may be other contact over the phone or electronically, but that is often the gist of it.

There are other times when a parent contacts me almost weekly, discusses progress with me, shares with me their child's goals, their hopes for their child, and even provides me with a repertoire list outlining the pieces they have decided that we should work on. Sometimes they call to tell me that a lesson was missing something or to request I cover certain material during a lesson.

Obviously, there is quite a range in "lesson parenting" styles. How much involvement SHOULD a parent have in his or her child's lessons? There really isn't a simple answer to this question. It depends on your personality, your child, and your needs.

Here are a few tips for parents to help actively engage in your child's lesson progress, encourage practice and personal growth, and create a great relationship with your child's teacher.

1. Be involved in setting your child's practice habits. I have sometimes heard parents say that they'd like the child to do this on their own and they don't want to force it. However, I beg to differ with that opinion. I have been playing the flute for maybe thirty-five years now, and I still have to drag myself by the ear to practice at times! The most successful students I have taught have had great support from their family in creating, maintaining and changing habits. Practicing regularly is a habit, like brushing your teeth or making your bed. Please require and encourage your child to practice regularly rather than to binge practice the night before a lesson or concert. Five minutes every day is actually a better habit than two hours once a week. It establishes regularity. Setting a regular habit of working at a task is also an incredibly useful life skill for all future endeavors.

I wrote an article on how to support your student's practice habits HERE . I'd love it if you took the time to read this one.

2. Communicate with your teacher. I'm a pretty communicative teacher, so I send out reminders, newsletters, and I make calls as needed, but I still like when parents stop by before or after a lesson to say hello. It serves as a reminder to the teacher of who you are (it's easy to forget a new face after six months of not seeing it!) and it opens the door for any progress reports or suggestions to be passed along personally. It strengthens the relationship.

How much communication is enough? It's really your choice, and depends upon your motives and your personal style. Certainly if your child has some learning challenges, or you are working on supporting more positive behavior during lesson time, weekly communication might be necessary to support the goals you are creating together with the teacher. The teacher needs to know about any current learning needs so she can support all the good work being done at home and in school. Your communication and collaboration are necessary in this case.

Parents who micro-manage lessons regarding content and goals are obviously very invested in the child's progress. This eagerness and investment is a good thing. Too much decision-making regarding repertoire and lesson content, however, may create two unwanted situations that perhaps were not your intention. First, it can confuse your child to have two people making these decisions separately for him or her. It's like when a parent coaches a child from the sidelines. Who does the child listen to? The parent or the coach? It's a bit uncomfortable to put a child in the position of having to decide which (often conflicting) advice to follow. Secondly, it eventually leads to an uncomfortable feeling in the teacher that you do not trust her expertise. Any feeling of mistrust for a parent or teacher, misunderstood or otherwise, doesn't bode well for the relationship.

In the above-mentioned case, it's always a good idea to ask yourself if you really DO trust your teacher's expertise. If the answer is yes, then keep communicating, but try to sit back and let the teacher do his or her thing. Try to trust in the process. If you discover that you really don't feel like you trust the teacher, it's probably better to find another teacher whose method you trust more, rather than to over-coach from the sidelines. Of course, openly communicate your needs before switching teachers. I wrote a post about this subject also, so feel free to click and read!

3. Listen to your child play, in a neutral way. Much of this is covered in this article, but the gist of it is to take some time once in a while to either sit and listen or even to call from the kitchen "I really like that one!" If you don't know what to say or it seems your child is struggling, ask questions. ("What do you like about that one? What is the biggest challenge about that one? What do you do to solve that?") Questions like this can help your children figure out what they need to do themselves, without you needing to have any expertise at all!

4. Provide the opportunity to hear and model great players. You don't need to spend money or get out of the house to provide exposure to great playing. In our house, sometimes we have musical "theme nights" at dinner. The themes might be Jazz Night, Latin Night, Classic Rock Night, or even "Italian Music" night. Amazon, Spotify and Pandora can provide you with an endless number of choices. I'm sure there are even "flute" channels you can play! We just play the music in the background while we eat. YouTube is a great resource for performances. Local high schools have band, orchestra, jazz, and choir concerts. They are usually free or low-cost. Music schools have recitals you can attend for free. I take my kids to the high school jazz festivals whenever I can. Try to get out once a year.

Of course, if your teacher is a performer, it might be a great tribute to your teacher, to the arts, and to your child's understanding of your teacher's level of expertise if you can manage to go hear him or her play. I also wrote a bit more about this subject, and you can read that article here.

Studying music is an empowering experience for anyone. Your support of regular practice habits, your open relationship with your child's teacher, and your help exposing your child to a variety of music to model all add up to create a great experience. Have at it and enjoy the ride!

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I'm Frustrated: Should I Switch to Another Teacher?

1/19/2017

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How do I know when it would be best to switch teachers?

This is a question many people ask themselves, mostly because they are unhappy with aspects of their lessons, their teacher's policies, their progress, or how they compare to their peers. There is no cut and dry answer to this question, but I can give some hints.

Just because you may be discontented with some aspects of your lessons, it may or may not be a sign that it’s time to make a change. It really depends. Your feelings here may be extremely valid, but they may also be a hint that you and your teacher might simply benefit from some better communication.

I have noticed that there are times when people simply give up on a teacher without communicating first. They just move on to another. I can tell you also that many (not all, but many) people who do this will eventually end up feeling the same way about the next teacher. If you find this has happened many times, you may benefit from getting up the courage to ask questions of your teacher, and to ask about issues that are bothering you. It’s uncomfortable for some people, but it’s very worth it!

Here are some basic guidelines to setting up effective communication at the start of lessons:

Set Expectations Upfront

Lessons are not a dictatorship; you and your parents do have some say in what you are hoping to gain from lessons, the learning style that works best for you, and the level of time and dedication that you are willing to put toward your lessons. There is some give-and-take available here, but I urge you to realize that this is what your first phone interviews and your first “trial” lesson are for.

The teacher takes his or her time to explain expectations and policies during early communication, and this is your chance to mention any conflict you may have with what is presented. Waiting until later will make things more difficult. You are using this time to discover your compatibility with your new teacher’s style.

Please, don’t feel that you’ll “work around” an issue when it comes up. For example, if the teacher’s policies don’t match your own needs, this teacher may not be the one for you. Attempting to change, re-write or make exceptions to studio policies on your own is a huge step toward creating conflict. If you have a request, please do ask upfront about a possible change or exception before committing to lessons.

Full Disclosure:

When you do meet with your teacher for the first time, please do share with him or her your current playing issues, your hopes, your dreams, and your personal goals (many teachers will actually ask you this, but if they don’t, please do share). Be honest. Tell your teacher that you can’t stand doing hours of technical exercises, or that you hope to make All State this year. This doesn’t mean you’ll get out of technical exercises, but it does help your teacher perhaps find a way to make these necessary evils more fun or manageable for you. It doesn’t mean you’ll make All State, but your teacher will know what you are hoping for and will be able to evaluate you honestly to let you know what you have to do to achieve your goals.

Once lessons have begun, here are some tips:

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!

Although it’s sometimes awkward to bring things up, honesty and open communication are the best policies here. A good teacher should be able to hear your request or issue, process it, and to be able to articulate to you clearly what he or she can (or cannot) do to help. For example, I can most definitely help a student who feels either over-faced or under-challenged, but I may not be able to help a student or parent who does not feel that my policies are workable due to their wishes for personal convenience. In the case of the latter, it may be better to find a teacher whose payment, attendance, practice and/or absence policies match your expectations (after first discussing possible changes with the current teacher and deciding whether the response was satisfactory or not).

Self-Evaluate:

If your reason for change is lack of progress, and you are not practicing enough, it’s not a good idea to hope that another teacher will fix that for you. Be sure to take responsibility for your own part of your progress or lack of progress. Be sure that during lesson time you have an open mind and give it your best shot to do what your teacher asks of you. You do have every right to ask polite and respectful questions along the way (and please, please do!), but choosing what you will do and what you won’t instead of trying to do it all can create issues. Conversely, your teacher should be open to your honesty about your aversions and difficulties and work with you to create solutions, together as a team.

Uninspired? Ask for Help:

I do understand in areas of “inspiration” that students sometimes feel in a funk. I cannot urge you more strongly to share this with your teacher! I recall at one point feeling like I wanted to quit lessons altogether (a very common feeling in about 8th or 9th grades) but thankfully, after discussing with my teacher AND my band director, they worked together to find more opportunities for me, more pleasing music to play, and to basically hold my hand through my tough transition time. Without letting them know how I was feeling, I may have quit long ago and missed out on a lifetime of music.

Your Teacher Should Tell You:

If your teacher has brought you as far as he feels he can (for example, if you are studying with someone who does not play your own instrument and/or your skills have developed beyond his level of expertise), it’s his job to pass you along to a colleague who can guide you to the next level. If you know this to be the case, it may be time to move on, or to ask for suggestions for a specialist in your particular instrument.

Be Careful of Comparisons:

Sometimes you may feel that you are not playing the same repertoire or playing at the same level as other students of the same age. This can be very upsetting if you are a bit competitive by nature. There is a possibility you could benefit from a change of teacher, but many times this is not the case. Some serious self-evaluation should happen first. (For example, are you putting in all the effort that you know you should be?) After thinking about this, please be sure to communicate to your teacher and to ask why you are not playing the music that you wish to play. Your teacher could have very good reason for this. Your teacher could be far more thorough than some other local teachers, or more insistent on the basics being covered first. Being behind (temporarily) could end up pushing you further ahead of others in the long run. Investigate and find out your teacher’s reasons.

It would be a shame to give up a wonderful teacher simply because you compared what you are doing to what someone else is doing and you were jealous! That said, there are times when perhaps you would indeed benefit from a more thorough approach, and the only way to know would be to take a few trial lessons with other teachers.

If, after exploring better communication and self-evaluation, you do decide to leave:

Be Open:

Please let your teacher know in a timely manner that you will be discontinuing lessons. As politely as you can, indicate why. If a teacher continually receives similar feedback from students leaving the studio, it can help her to change her approach for the future.

Be Thankful:

Don’t burn any bridges. Please do thank your teacher for his effort and his time. He was likely giving you all he had to give. Just because he wasn’t a match for you doesn’t mean he isn’t a perfect match for others. Also, you may have a need for this teacher’s help or expertise in the future. You don’t want to miss out on a great future relationship if you can help it.

Be Careful What You Say:

In my experience, a huge red flag regarding future relations with a parent or a student is when they trash talk another teacher (or even multiple teachers) during their opening interview. It’s OK to mention where your differences with your past teacher(s) may lie if you feel that is important, but you will gain respect as a potential student by treating your former teacher with equal respect. Remember, the music world is a small place. Word gets around. Teachers also tend to realize that a student or parent who will readily put down a previous teacher is someone who very possibly will be doing the same to us in the future if things don’t go their way. We are wary when we receive such introductions, and often for good reason.

Lessons can be such a rewarding experience. Communication is the key to a great relationship with your teacher. Keep that in mind, and you will pave the way for great experiences as you grow and learn and even as you change and move on. Best of luck!

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Flute Studio Blog

My Attitude of Gratitude

What Do I Call My Teacher?

Effective Lesson-Parenting Tips

I'm Frustrated: Should I Switch to Another Teacher?

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